Black Women Choose Solo Motherhood, Build Support Networks
A growing number of financially stable, educated Black women are becoming single mothers by choice via IVF and other methods, handling unique challenges
When Chamise Alston was ready for a child, she scrolled through a sperm bank catalogue on her TV with her best friend. The 40-year-old Maryland therapist, seeking a donor for in vitro fertilization, became pregnant in 2023 and is now mother to a 16-month-old daughter. She is part of a rising demographic of Black women opting for solo motherhood through assisted reproduction or adoption.
Studies indicate single mothers by choice are typically financially stable, educated women in their late 30s. While Black women in this group share that profile with white peers, they face distinct hurdles. These include a scarcity of Black and brown sperm donors, potential discrimination from hospital staff during childbirth, and handling societal stigmas attached to Black single motherhood.
"I think we're changing the narrative. We're going in eyes open, understanding what the expectations are of us," Alston told reporters. She emphasized the active choice involved, contrasting it with potentially being left alone after a partnership ends.
Building a Village
To counter these challenges, many Black single mothers by choice deliberately construct extensive support systems. They rely on family, friends, neighbors, and other parents. Formal organizations provide key community and practical advice.
Jennifer Cruz, a 41-year-old Afro-Latina special education teacher in New York City, found her path through Single Mothers by Choice. She joined the national network in 2014 at age 29. Seeing other women manage parenting alone showed her it was possible. Cruz, who has an 11-year-old son conceived via IVF with donor sperm and a four-year-old daughter with her ex-husband, later led the New York City chapter from 2015 to 2020, helping diversify its membership.
"Hispanic women can do this too. Black women can do this too, and it may not be the easiest path, but it is doable," Cruz said. She advocates for women not having to delay career or motherhood for lack of a partner.
Jamila Galloway, a 44-year-old Washington DC marketing executive, welcomed her daughter via IVF six months ago after a complex fertility journey involving multiple procedures. She and her cousin, Chamise Alston, support each other. Galloway also turns to Mocha Moms Inc, a national network for mothers of color with a 75,000-member Facebook page. Its singles network, with about 100 members, meets twice monthly on Zoom.
I call it a safe haven for you to be vulnerable, said Clarice Doctor, the Mocha Moms singles network director, and have the opportunity to talk without judgment.
Unique Hurdles from Conception Onward
The journey for Black women often involves obstacles from the start. Black men constitute less than 3% of sperm bank donors, limiting options for those wishing to match their child's ethnicity. Galloway used sperm from a white donor. Black women don't always have agency over the options that we have available, but we always will find a way, she said. She now helps market a cryobank specializing in Black donors.
Jennifer Cruz found only three donors matching her Puerto Rican heritage when conceiving her son. Her family, holding traditional Hispanic cultural views, opposed her plans; her father stopped speaking to her. At the hospital after giving birth, staff assumed she needed financial assistance, pressing her to apply for the Wic program despite her ineligibility. A social worker even asked if she wanted to put her child up for adoption.
If I had been white coming into the hospital, would they have done this? Cruz questioned, pointing to preconceptions linking single motherhood with poverty or lack of planning.
Cultural critic Jamilah Lemieux, author of Black. Single. Mother., notes the term single mom by choice can be problematic. It risks creating a hierarchy that overlooks the agency of mothers who become single by leaving bad relationships. They don't get the same credit or respect, Lemieux said.
Community and Redefining Narratives
Despite negative media portrayals, Black single mothers actively build supportive communities. Galloway was surprised by the enthusiastic offers of companionship, advice, and meals from her network. Alston connects with other moms for hand-me-down children's clothes and recently hosted a water play-date.
Reflecting on the support she received after birth, Galloway said, Until I became a mother, shortly after giving birth, I just didn't realize how beautiful the motherhood community was.
